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Rachel: Phoebe, come on, I don't wanna waste it! Die, die, die! 323 - The One With Ross's Thing 105 - The One With The East German Laundry Detergent [Scene: Central Perk] Joey: Ross! Ross: (perplexed for a moment) Wait a minute... when you guys walked into the Met, did you go to the right? So let's move on to the Renaissance? Ross: You know, I really don't want to get involved in you guy's relationship. Got ya! (pause) It means... Chandler: (seriously) It means that we can keep trying, but there's a good chance this may never happen for us. Ross: Yes, she is this new professor of my department that I did not kiss. I'm asking you as a friend. 914 - The One With The Blind Dates Chandler: (stares at her intently, then yells) It was a "Wendy's!! " Ross: Oh, I don't know, they seem to have a shared interest in each other's tonsils... Ross: Ok, when you walk in the museum, take the right, that's the antiquities wing. Rachel: Oh, OH! Phoebe: No, you can't go there! (looks annoyed) Joey: No, look, you know Charlie, right? 704 - The One With Rachel’s Assistant Ross looks at her) Rachel: (now lifts her head) Phoebe!! Ross: (looking down) Are you wearing two belts? But you know what? Phoebe: Oh... then I overpaid. 521 - The One With The Ball (pause) That's not how she used it...? Take your favorite fandoms with you and never miss a beat. Ross: Hey! Phoebe: Okay (walks out and closes the door behind her, looks up and whispers) If you guys have microphones in there too, I didn't mean any of that. (Puts her head in the hole and Phoebe enters) 502 - The One With All The Kissing It's a special birthday edition of What the Friends? She's... uhm... not very good though... (Phoebe looks devastated) Charlie: Well, for one, he was talking about paintings that were nowhere around. For Girls Joey: Phonetically? Did you make your deposit? 111 - The One With Mrs.Bing I forgot how hot she was! I can memorize anything! I have a friend who is a masseuse. Charlie: Oh, you know what? , closes the laptop and joins Charlie on the sofa) Hey! (pause) You know, if they're gonna shorten it, they should call it the MUSE! Phoebe: Rachel Green? Rachel: (worried) Be-cause Ross is the father of my child! I mean, Joey is so different from the guys I usually date. Ross is playing some shoot'em up game on his laptop]. I mean, I just met her and I'm fine with it... (Joey and Charlie enter. Theme Names for Corporate Event Thanks. Chandler: (seriously) It means that we can keep trying, but there's a good chance this may never happen for us. Joey: Ok, let me stop you right there. Charlie: Hi! Joey: Hey! No, I don't think less of you. Thanks. 622 - The One Where Paul’s The Man Joey: (gesturing at an imaginary painting) Note the painterly lines and subtle impasto on this canvas. Chandler: Oh, Come on! But that doesn't change the fact that this is an evil blood sucking corporate machine! Monica: Chandler? Chandler: But I don't wanna do it in a cup! Joey: I need to talk to you about Charlie. Story: Scott Silveri Know your audience! Rachel: Oh, not as a friend, Phoebe!! 1. You're not... gone? 903 - The One With the Pediatrician Chandler is sitting on the sofa, reading the newspaper.] She is cool, and she's so smart! Ross: (looking down) Are you wearing two belts? I mean, he's a great guy, and sure he doesn't know that much about art but you know, you can always talk about that with someone else. Man, you can lie about Sweden! Really helped speed the process along! But still, I mean, it seems like you guys are having a great time together. Charlie: Yeah, let's go. Ross: Yeah? We just... we don't have time for this. Commercial Break Golf Edit. What does that mean? That art stuff worked, you hooked me up. Ross is in agony because brilliant, beautiful professor Charlie (recurring guest star Aisha Tyler)--who usually prefers paleontologists--is instead da… 1009 - The One With The Birth Mother Joey: (sipping red wine from a glass) Who says that wine has to cost more than milk! (they kiss) What d'you wanna do tonight? Chandler: Apparently my sperm have low motility and you have an inhospitable environment. 322 - The One With The Screamer Janice: Oh! Joey: You got to tell me exactly what to do there. Phoebe: Okay, then I'm Swedish... Chandler: Oh, well... Maybe we could... (he sweeps the stuff off the table and wordlessly invites Monica to have sex on it). The hard part is over! Nah ah! Joey: Ok, Caravaggio uses chiaroscuro here to highlight the anguish of the central figure. Racing (looks annoyed). Ross: (slowly) Yeah. Ross: Now, do you have any idea what you just said? Joey: (shaking his head as if to say: of course not!) (Then shouts after him) Just let me know if you need a hand! Should I be sitting down for this? 408 - The One With Chandler In A Box (she shows them a pair of slippers). 714 - The One Where They All Turn Thirty 602 - The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel Receptionist: Phoebe, your next client's in the waiting room. Phoebe walks in] Our Female fertility test is perfect for women that just want to check their fertility health and get some advice on optimising their chances of conceiving naturally. 113 - The One With The Boobies 1010 - The One Where Chandler Gets Caught Receptionist: Well, I think this is a great place to work! Charlie: Not so much, no. Ross: Nah ah! 416 - The One With The Fake Party Rachel: Alright-y then. Janice: OH MY GOD!! Ross: Nah ah! Think less of you! Phoebe: I don't have to tell you everything! 3 Syllable Boy Names, 101 - The One Where Monica Gets A New Roomate, 102 - The One With The Sonogram At The End, 105 - The One With The East German Laundry Detergent, 205 - The One With Five Steaks And An Eggplant, 212 - The One After The Superbowl, Part 1, 213 - The One After The Superbowl, Part 2, 215 - The One Where Ross And Rachel... You Know, 224 - The One With Barry And Mindy's Wedding, 301 - The One With The Princess Leia Fantasy, 304 - The One With The Metaphorical Tunnel, 308 - The One With The Giant Poking Device, 311 - The One Where Chandler Can`t Remember Which Sister, 313 - The One Where Monica And Richard Are Friends, 315 - The One Where Ross And Rachel Take A Break, 321 - The One With The Chick and the Duck, 324 - The One With The Ultimate Fighting Champion, 407 - The One Where Chandler Crosses The Line, 410 - The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie, 420 - The One With All The Wedding Dresses, 422 - The One With The Worst Best Man Ever, 423 - The One With Ross`s Wedding Part I and II, 508 - The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks, 510 - The One With The Inappropriate Sister, 515 - The One With The Girl Who Hits Joey, 517 - The One With Rachel's Inadvertant Kiss, 523 - The One In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode), 604 - The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance, 615 - The One That Could Have Been (Parts 1 & 2), 621 - The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth’s Dad, 705 - The One With The Engagement Picture, 708 - The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs, 716 - The One With The Truth About London, 717 - The One With The Cheap Wedding Dress, 719 - The One With Ross and Monica's Cousin, 723 - The One With Monica and Chandler's Wedding, 813 - The One Where Chandler Takes a Bath, 905 - The One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner, 906 - The One With The Male Nanny (200th Episode), 907 - The One With Ross's Inappropriate Song, 911 - The One Where Rachel Goes Back To Work, 1001 - The One After Joey and Rachel Kiss, 1005 - The One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits, 1008 - The One With The Late Thanksgiving, 1010 - The One Where Chandler Gets Caught, 1016 - The One With Rachel's Going Away Party, Words That Start With T That Are Positive. you... (reaches out to touch the imaginary painting again) 421 - The One With The Invitation Monica: Honey, we've been trying to have a baby for over a year. Monica: I'm sorry too. (somebody knocks the door, Joey opens and it's Charlie). Charlie: Hey! 510 - The One With The Inappropriate Sister And that is the Swedish National Anthem! (they kiss) What d'you wanna do tonight? Ross: Yeah? Joey really knows his art, huh? You'll go into that room and deposit your specimen into the container. Janice: Oh! 807 - The One With The Stain Phoebe: Ok, this is not about the MONEY, ok? I don't have any! Monica: Yes Rachel, why do you care so much? I don't allow porn at home so this is like a vacation for him. Monica: So, what's your name? I can't eat veal, I can't wear fur, I can't go hunting... Rachel: Well, I would like to have the option!! Chandler: Hello? But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear". Phoebe: Thank you. Chandler: We really need to take those tests? 905 - The One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner She loves architecture, you know what you should do? I guess I was just so worried about having to... come here and do... 'that'... I can't eat veal, I can't wear fur, I can't go hunting... Phoebe: Promise? Honey, you have principles and I so admire that! The hard part is over! Ross: What? (somebody knocks the door, Joey opens and it's Charlie) 1007 - The One With The Home Study Rachel: Wow, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person. It's about... it's about corporate greed destroying our hearts and leaving us... the hollow shells. Friends Central is a FANDOM TV Community. Monica: (entering) Hey honey! It is a common test for women experiencing problems getting pregnant. 324 - The One With The Ultimate Fighting Champion It's just that she's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated! Joey: Can I offer you a drink? 413 - The One With Rachel`s Crush I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral... (leaves), Chandler: I'd love to stay, but I have eh... (points at the cup) got a hot date... (starts to leave). Monica: Honey, we've been trying to have a baby for over a year. Joey: Ok, all right, so I'll take her to the MET. Joey: (to Charlie) You're ready? I put fertility rate here — number of children per woman: one, two, three, four, up to about eight children per woman. Charlie: Yeah, it's fun (hesitating). (hangs up). Phoebe: But that woman can't know I work here. Someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup! (they hug) Ross: You were saying you didn't want to seem stupid. Monica: Hey sweetie. Chandler: (embarrassed) I cannot believe Ross told you that! Phoebe walks in]. She hates those corporate massage chains. Monet painted quickly and usually outdoors as his elusive subject was light itself. [Scene: doctor's waiting room] Is there a problem with me or with you? Joey: Uh-oh. 915 - The One With The Mugging If it was good news you would have said (excitedly) "Doctor Connelly just called! " Joey really knows his art, huh? Honey, you have principles and I so admire that! 520 - The One With The Ride Along 801 - The One After "I Do" Chandler: It's weird! Phoebe: Oh... then I overpaid. Monica: (really embarrassed) OH! I mean, those people who like someone and don't kiss them... those-those people are stupid, I hate those people. (pause) That's not how she used it...? 1013 - The One Where Joey Speaks French Monica: This was fun! I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral... Joey: Hey, if you wanna grab a bite before work we'd better get acrimonious. We just... we don't have time for this. Monica: Hey! He had clearly memorized all the stuff to say, and some of it didn't even make any sense. Ross: Yeah, most of it it's a place packed with confused angry baseball fans! Ross: Look, if you don't know what the word "acrimonious" means, just don't use it! Thanks, got it. No one here even knows you! I mean, they're all professors, and intellectuals, and paleontologists mostly, you know, very cerebral... [Scene: Joey's apartment, Joey and Ross in the living room, rehearsing what Joey will say to Charlie in the Museum] Chandler: It's weird! Uhm, you know what? Charlie: Yeah, let's go. 213 - The One After The Superbowl, Part 2 904 - The One With The Sharks Ross: Yeah, uh, uh, ok, there's this great rare bookstore on Madison Avenue. Chandler: (stares at her intently, then yells) It was a "Wendy's!! " Phoebe: Ok. Do we have to talk like that then they're not around? Initial consultation Starting with a consultation with one of our esteemed fertility specialists, we’ll explain to you the series of tests, throughout which you’ll have an expert consultant as your port of call. 404 - The One With The Ballroom Dancing This test is not performed in every couple but reserved for those with concern for tubal disease. Phoebe: You know what? (pause) Ok. Ok, thank you. Put your face in the hole. Chandler: (smiling again) oh, oh, yeah, ok, thanks. 612 - The One With The Joke Ross: Ok! The MET! Joey: You got to tell me exactly what to do there. Phoebe: How can you come here? 609 - The One Where Ross Got High Receptionist: This has been torn up. Charlie: And first, I have to see the MET! Phoebe: Ok, this is not about the MONEY, ok? Fine, I won't use it! 115 - The One With The Stoned Guy Phoebe: (watching around and whispering) Ok, are they listening? Just go back to the MET, ok? Rachel: But I am going hunting!! If it was good news you would have said (excitedly) "Doctor Connelly just called! " [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment] Chandler: Doctor Connelly just called. 506 - The One With The Yeti I hade a pretty hectic day at work too, today I had to open a door and go (looking scared) ohhhh! 119 - The One Where The Monkey Gets Away You are right. Uhm, you know what? But SURPRISE! Ross: Look, if you don't know what the word "acrimonious" means, just don't use it! The One With The Fertility Test. I can memorize anything! Charlie: He is very sweet. 713 - The One Where Rosita Dies 1003 - The One Whit Ross' Tan Charlie: You know, actually I'm a little surprised to myself. Last week on "Days" I had to say "Frontal temporal zygomatic craniotomy". Monica: With good news? Ross: Get to the problem! Phoebe: Wow, Joey and a professor! (she goes to the bathroom) While these tests are improving all the time, they are not as good as a laboratory test. [Scene: The Spa Reception. 523 - The One In Vegas (Season Finale/Hour Long Episode) The One With The Fertility Test Well, you know what? Joey: (looking puzzled) I don't think so. Chandler: (disgusted) I think it just fell off. Rachel: (imitating the receptionist's tone) through the glass doors. In this test, the uterus of the woman is first filled with saline water. Phoebe, why did you lie to me about working here? Phoebe: Thank you. (pause) And in my defense, it was a Wendy's! Ross: Hey, I thought I'd end up kissing Charlie too ok? Rachel: Ok Rachel: Yes you do, if you're going to make me feel guilty for getting a free massage! Her mind is totally acrimonious (which, being Joey, he mispronounces "amonious"). [Scene: Monica and Chandler's. (laughs) Oh! I just assumed that everything was gonna be ok. Janice: Oh! Ok, what do you wanna see first? Monica: It's so weird, how did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? [Scene: SPA massage center, Rachel enters] 705 - The One With The Engagement Picture 711 - The One With All The Cheesecakes Phoebe is still massaging Rachel] Rachel: Oh, it's a gift certificate to this new SPA in SOHO. She hates those corporate massage chains. Phoebe: Or... maybe she has trouble loosening your knots because you're such a high maintenance tight ass! 804 - The One With The Videotape Phoebe: Oh, Ja! [Scene: Central Perk. I have a massage appointment under Rachel Green, and here is my gift certificate. Ja! Charlie: Oh, you know what? Now I'm this Corporate stooge and punching a clock and Ugh! (pause) And in my defense, it was a Wendy's! [Scene: Central Perk] Monica: It's so weird, how did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? Phoebe is still massaging Rachel], Phoebe: (Singing) "Ipan Stripan, Glupi Glabi! " It probably is. Phoebe: Oh, Ja! Combined! Touch it, it's really bumpy! And I can't wait to start exploring the city! Joey: (realizing) Oh, that's what she meant! Sid is still in his room. 1016 - The One With Rachel's Going Away Party I think it's a good idea to find out if everything's ok. Just a few routine tests. Rachel: (to the receptionist) Hi there! 806 - The One With The Halloween Party 909 - The One With Rachel's Phone Number Janice: What, you can do it in the parking lot of a Taco Bell, but you can't do it at a doctor's office? They're putting people like me out of business! Ross: Yeah, uh, uh, ok, there's this great rare bookstore on Madison Avenue. Closing credits But, unlike Babystart, you need to get organised for this test as it has to be carried out on day three of your cycle (the accompanying instructions cite your first day of bleeding or spotting as day one). Monica: So, what's your name? Ross: Get to the problem! Chandler: Apparently my sperm have low motility and you have an inhospitable environment. Ross: Ok, but you know what? 417 - The One With The Free Porn (Phoebe enters the hall) 702 - The One With Rachel’s Book Joey: Although some of that stuff wasn't where you said it was gonna be, but... (confidently) I made it work. 106 - The One With The Butt I am sure it's gonna be just fine. No one here even knows you! Rachel: And... taped back together. Janice: Oh, Chandler, look. Ross: I'm gonna get some more coffee. Charlie: So I am just so excited to be here. Ross: Oh, no! They used to belong to the late Shania Twain. 721 - The One With The Vows It's time I took my life back! And I can't wait to start exploring the city! I sold out for the cash! (pause) How do I know that they are not gonna secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet. Ross: Oh, God. I have more in common with. Joey: Ross! 1005 - The One Where Rachel's Sister Babysits I wish I knew if that was right! Nah ah! Phoebe: Uhu, uhu... and why do you think that is? Tennis Phoebe: Hey you guys! Ross: Yeah, yeah that means... you know? why is she here?? 706 - The One With The Nap Partners (she sees the gift certificate in Rachel's hands) Hey, Rachel!! These scripts are not the original scripts, only transcripts as they have been transcribed from the show. Joey: Ah! Oh, you should take her to the MET! [Scene: The Spa Reception. Ross: Uhm no! Ross: Hi! I don't think that Joey and Charlie have anything in common. 508 - The One With The Thanksgiving Flashbacks Names That Mean Angel Think less of you! Soccer 808 - The One With The Stripper No, I don't think less of you. They're putting people like me out of business! Phoebe: You know it's me? You gotta help me out! So did you do it? Charlie: The museum! (Reaches out to touch the imaginary painting). Rachel: (now lifts her head) Phoebe!! 207 - The One Where Ross Finds Out I missed you today! Ross: And if you think about it, I mean the reason he memorized all that stuff is because he thought it was important to you. (his smile fades as he hears the answer) Oh. Chandler: Hello? Season 6 Oh hi, Doctor Connelly. 614 - The One Where Chandler Can't Cry Rachel: Oh! Chandler: (disgusted) I think it just fell off. 810 - The One With Monica's Boots Can you imagine if they had kids and if the kids got her intelligence and Joey's raw sexual magnetism... Oh, those nerds will get laaaaaid! Basketball But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene so I guess it means "you're gonna get eaten by a bear". paying taxes! Teleplay: Robert Carlock Story: Scott Silveri Directed by: Gary Halvorson Transcribed by: Eleonora, Pheeboh, Sebastiano & Vanessa [Scene: Central Perk] Monica: It's so weird, how did Joey end up kissing Charlie last night? I mean... Ross: Yeah, it's no big deal. ", [Scene: Phoebe and Rachel at the Spa. Know your audience! In S09E21 of Friends, it's the one with the fertility test. They gave you the kiddy size (looking at the cup in his hand). 112 - The One With The Dozen Lasagnes Transcribed by: Eleonora, Pheeboh, Sebastiano & Vanessa

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